We had a good run, you and I.
At the beginning, I wore you with pride—proper pride. You gave me something solid to hold onto when everything else in my life felt like it was sliding sideways.
You looked like confidence. Like purpose. Like I knew what I was doing, even when I absolutely didn’t.
When I wore you, people listened.
Trusted me.
Needed me.
Even on the days I was barely hanging on, you made me look capable—and honestly, that was enough for a while.
You made me feel like someone. Someone important. Reliable. Worth something.
But somewhere along the way… you stopped being comfort and started being camouflage.
You hid things I didn’t know how to face: the exhaustion, the fear, the fact that I was quietly falling apart in between tea rounds and trauma calls.
You made me look okay—even when I was very much not.
And I let you. I clung to you. I kept putting you on like nothing was wrong, because that’s what we’re trained to do, isn’t it?
Show up. Suit up. Shut up.
You became a second skin. Reliable. Familiar. Heavy.
After a while, I forgot what I looked like without you.
Who I was.
What I wanted, beyond making it through the week.
Some days I genuinely wanted to set fire to you.
Other days, I held onto you like you were the only thing keeping me upright.
Most days—it was both.
And then I’d smile and crack jokes and carry on like none of it mattered.
But here’s what I know now:
You weren’t the enemy. You weren’t the problem.
That if I just kept showing up, kept wearing the smile and the lanyard and the weight of it all, I’d be fine.
I’m not buying into that anymore.
I can respect what you stand for.
I can still be proud of the job. Of the things we did together.
But I don’t need to disappear under your weight to prove anything.
I’m learning how to be a person again.
To rest.
To take you off and not feel lost.
Because when I’m not wearing you?
I’m still here.
Still enough. Still me.
A bit slower. A lot softer. And finally—finally—starting to feel real again.
I miss the pockets.
But not the person I thought I had to be in them.
– Duty of Care
Duty of Care 
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